There should be a sign....oh really? by: Eric Wiese

So, the Wiese's went a-shopin' tonight. Apparently that really pissed off a couple of 'ladies' in the shoe department. Now to be fair, our family doesn't "go to the store". We descend locust-like upon it, announced by a cacophony of screaming, yelling, and unimaginably loud talking. Thankfully, tonight the rumpus was contained to the gleeful, and happily tantrum free.

So there I am, running through the shoe isles, after my angelic 2-year old Margarette, enjoying her 15th chorus of the "Wonder Pets" theme song (sung at the top of her lungs) and trying to keep property damage to a minimum, or at least return most of the strewn stock to the shelves. You know, a typical toddler shopping trip. On about the 7th or 8th lap, I was stunned from my happy contemplation of the boundless joy that is my daughter by an over-heard comment from the next isle. Something to the effect of "This place needs a sign saying 'Keep your children quiet or they will be executed".

Now of course, my first impulse upon hearing this hilarious bit of comedy was to peek over and apologize to the scummy looking pair of women on behalf of the universe that they could never trick some passing trucker into filling their dried up wombs with cracker-spawn of their own, thus enabling her to experience the joys of parenthood. Surely, I would say, the burden of such a life would turn any of us into crotchety old witches straight from the pages of Hansel and Gretel, and I understand completely.

Obviously I did not say this or anything else. Not because I have manners, or didn't want to cause a scene. I kept quiet for the simple reason that I have a penis. Males of our species are not aloud to criticize or otherwise have issues with strange women in public lest charges be filed. 'Course, I'da smacked the bitch, but I'm a pacifist.

So I did the next best thing: I told my wife on her. Bitches were lucky they'd left by then or there would have been bloodshed on the Birkenstocks in the old Fred Meyer. Well, not really, cause she's a pacifist too! Why can't we summon our Nonviolent Communication (NVC) ways of thinking when our children are involved?